Poem of today - I Would!

I would!

Its days like today that make us think

As we look back and ponder life

I imagine where I would be today

If you weren’t my wife

I would not get to see your beauty

Sagging under gravity Each and every day

I would not get to kiss those lips

That looks like a cat’s ass coming my way

I would miss having to squeeze past

Your ample ass to get to the fridge door

So I could make you those meals

To add girth to those hips some more

I would have damaged hearing

Because without the plugs I wear

To drown out your constant drone

I would never know when you’re near

I would be mentally stable and fit for work

But instead I am home caring for you

Living off welfare and handouts

Just so you can complain you have nothing to do

I would be rich of mind and wallet as well

Instead I have nothing to show for my lifetime

But a closet full of your clothes and shoes

That used to fit once upon a time

I would be a smiling happy man

If I could get a word in a conversation

But I do what I am told always

And sit back and lament with reservation

I would be happy if sex wasn’t like the dentist

It’s as tedious and painful as pulling teeth

I thought it was supposed to be fun

But then I never know I’m always underneath

I would be a ecstatic if you fell

Hit the ground and split your head

The blood seeping slowly on the step

As I slept in the comfort of my single bed

I would be jumping for joy if you left

If you took off with another man

To torment and cause so much pain

And you left me with my limited time span

I would sing from the highest point

If you were on life support in intensive care

And It was my decision alone that caused

You to take your last breathe of air

I would pay someone to change you

Out of your diapers Morning and night

While I sold all your clothes and shoes

Hit the town, got drunk and started a fight

I would be a happy man if I knew back then

What I know now today

I would have dated your girlfriend

Been happy instead of claiming I was gay

I would be a happy man if you were nice

Where in the rule book does it say?

Treat him with distrust and hate

It’s no wonder I write poetry to get away